Theme and hospital and download and full version

It makes you feel a bit like an interfering old lady -the sort you overhear at bus stops gossiping about the lady at number 26 who apparently likes 'doing it the greek way' - but it ain't half compelling. Now, if sales figures are anything to go by, each and every one of you already owns three copies of Theme Park.

Therefore, you'll be familiar with that game's main failing: it climaxes too soon. It starts off like an over-enthusiastic teenager, desperately trying to impress you with its looks and its user-friendliness, hammering away at your pleasure receptors as fast as it can until all of a sudden you realise that it's fired off all its surprises in one go, and there's nothing left to keep you occupied. It always gives you the option of going back for more by starting a new park , but deep down you know it's just going to be more of the same.

Interest wanes, you withdraw, and before long you've begun to salaciously eye up the other, perkier games on the market. Theme Hospital, on the other hand, is a considerably more assured and sophisticated lover.

It has far more interesting tricks up its sleeve, and is mature enough not to play them too early. In the early stages it soothes and arouses you with relaxing, involving gameplay and quirky little touches. As you grow in confidence together, it pulls off altogether bolder strokes, continually maintaining your interest with increasingly inventive moves.

Then the pace begins to quicken and you lose yourself completely. Entirely at its mercy, the best you can do is try to keep up, as it plunges challenge after challenge after challenge deep into your brain, with relentless zeal, working towards a climax. Just as you've reached the peak, when all the demands of a particular level have been satisfied, and you're sitting back, serenely watching the Ccongratulations' screen with a slow-burning cigarette in your hand, it rolls over and starts doing it again, presenting you with another blank hospital, and a whole new range of tasks to complete.

And you know that it's going to be just as much fun as it was last time, only even more intense. Frankly, by the time you reach the final levels, it's grabbing the back of your head with both hands, balancing on its elbows, and repeatedly ramming its fearsome girth into you like some kind of demented jackhammer, while you clutch the headboard and wail with pleasure.

If there's one Ctheme' that truly relates both Theme Park and Theme Hospital, then ipious amounts of vomiting is it. Get down on your knees and pray that you have sufficient cleaning staff to deal with a Cvomit virus', should such an outbreak occur. Otherwise, the consequences are dire: corridors full of retching, choking patients, emptying their guts all over the floor like E-Coli sufferers at a kebab-eating convention. Well, Theme Hospital also introduces a new bodily function into the fray If a patient can't get to the toilet in time, they'll eventually go on the floor.

Doubly disgusting during an outbreak of vomiting. If Bullfrog keep upping the Cbody fluid' stakes like this, the next CTheme' game should logically be filled with hundreds of little people endlessly vomiting, pissing, crapping, spitting, wanking, snotting, and picking the wax out of their ears and flicking it. Theme Reading Festival, in other words. Theme Hospitals visuals are so crisp and neat, you could cut your finger on 'em.

What's more, they're incredibly busy. Absolutely every action each character could conceivably perform seems to have been animated. You can watch people typing on keyboards or using vending machines. Surgeons wash their hands and adjust the lighting prior to an operation. Caretakers sit on their arses, watching the staff room telly while the rubbish piles up in the corridors. You can even see people straining as they try to pass a particularly unforgiving stool in the lavatory.

The sound effects are equally elaborate. You can hear everything. And I mean everything. You can tell if the people straining in the toilet are doing Cnumber ones' or Cnumber twos', thanks to the telltale Csplosh' sound of the occasional turd hitting the water. None of the patients seem to do the old Cbung a layer of sound-deadening bog roll onto the water surface' trick - they just don't care who hears their embarrassing noises.

Perhaps they've noticed that the hospital doesn't actually have a roof, so it doesn't seem to matter. In the same way that its predecessor revealed Theme Parks to be little more than cynical money-making engines, Theme Hospital tackles the medical profession with a barely-disguised air of gleeful subversion. Keeping patients alive is encouraged, but mainly because it harms your reputation - and therefore your income - if they start dropping dead in the corridors which happens right before your eyes, by the way.

There are times when it pays to have the clinical business acumen of a Bill Gates, and the human compassion of a Genghis Khan. For example, let's say you've just discovered a new contagious illness. You examine the patient and get the research department to work out. Yours is now the only hospital in the area that can cure patients with this particular disease. So what do you do? If you're really smart, you'll deliberately refer some of the sufferers to rival hospitals in the area.

Not only does this cause your computerised opponents a bit of a managerial headache, it has the added side-effect of creating a whole new posse of patients, as the infected party wanders around, innocently spilling germs this way and that.

And more patients means more money. For you. That's just an example. There's a myriad of different money-making schemes. You'll have to discover the best ones yourself. Managing a hospital may not sound like a barrel of laughs, but this classic light hearted simulation from Bullfrog manages to make presiding over matters of life and death incredibly challenging.

Curing the likes of Jellyitus, heaped piles and unexpected swelling Who among us has not suffered from the latter? Much like SimCity, you start from humble beginnings and with a pile of cash, building up the size and quality of your hospital as you progress. As with all games of this type, there are plenty of problems for you to solve along the way, making your job far harder as you desperately try to keep your patients happy. Unfortaunately, the fun proves to be somewhat short lived, as there simply isn't enough variation to keep you sat in front of your monitor for any real length of time.

Fun for a week or so, but after that you'll soon realise Theme Hospital s a little on the shallow side. High on humour, high on fun and low on the tedium normally associated with this sort of simulation, Theme Hospitalis a refreshing take on a genre that often takes itself too seriously.

As the title suggests, the game puts you in charge of your own hospital. You won't be able to do much at first there isn't really much you can do with an empty hospital , but once you've taken on some staff and kitted out your hospital with the basic necessities, you'll be ready to open your doors to the poorly folk in your area.

After your patients have been diagnosed by a GP, they're sent to the pharmacy, various clinics or operating theatre for treatment - if you've got the technology, that is, otherwise you'd better get on with some research. As you complete the levels you're rewarded with the discovery of new equipment and an interesting variety of new diseases - psychiatric patients believing they're Elvis decked out in rhinestone-encrusted white suits, of course , and horrendous afflictions such as bloaty head, invisibility and hairyitis.

You can even watch the cures being carried out, complete with sound effects watching the 'sheer' lopping off a 'slack tongue' makes you wince. But there's more to it than just curing patients.

The overall aim is to be the most successful hospital in the area there are three others competing , and naturally the more people you cure the more money you earn. But patients leave and go home if there's nowhere for them to sit, if they have to wait too long to see a GP or psychiatrist, if the corridors are rat-infested or no one's cleared up the mess of a vomiting epidemic.

It also pays to hire the most competent staff and keep them happy with salary increases and a staff room. Then there's the maintenance of your equipment, decision making as to whether you can cope with emergencies, balancing your budget, and on and on. Theme Hospitalis an essential purchase for anyone with a sense of humour and even a vague interest in resource management or strategy games.

Our own Production Editor, Thea, has confessed to losing extremely large portions of her spare time to heavy-duty Theme Park sessions, and that in itself is quite enough reason for you to consider this a must-have for your collection.

All the Sim City, Earth, etc. Theme Hospital builds on the same idea, improving in some areas and lacking in others. Where the game works well is in the "cute and fun" department.

Like Theme Park, Theme Hospital has a lot of character and personality. When you water the plants, they perk up. To cure a "bloaty head," a doctor pops, then reinflates it.

The game is just too cute. But Theme Hospital does not capture the same magic that some of the other games in this genre have. The rigid nature of the game limits your creativity. In Theme Park you can build anything, anywhere--that's why the game was so much fun. It means a benign program is wrongfully flagged as malicious due to an overly broad detection signature or algorithm used in an antivirus program. What do you think about Theme Hospital? Do you recommend it?

Theme Hospital for Windows. Softonic review Hilarious Simulation Game Theme Hospital is a video game compatible with Mac OS X and Windows systems that lets users design, build and maintain hospitals with the goals of curing diseases and making money.

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